


Can’t Sleep Love

by orphan_account



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Before it’s soft but now it’s just a bit soft, M/M, Twins, YeHae - Freeform, yehyuk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:00:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 12,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22289026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Ever since his brother and sister in law died from a car accident, Kim Jongwoon ended up taking the responsibility of raising their twin offsprings, Yoshie and Shizuka, 3 years old.This story is heavily inspired by Love so Life manga.*Changed title to more appropriate one.
Relationships: Kim Jongwoon | Yesung/Lee Donghae, Kim Jongwoon | Yesung/Lee Hyukjae | Eunhyuk, Lee Donghae/Lee Hyukjae | Eunhyuk
Comments: 10
Kudos: 37





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1:

A buzzing sound woke up Jongwoon, his phone registers “7:00am” as he squints and pressed snooze as he tries to get more sleep. Not long before he closes his eyes, he can hear cries from the baby monitor beside his bed. He immediately speeds off to the other room where he saw Shizuka standing inside her crib while Yoshie is still sleeping in his own crib.

“Yongie, poop.” Shizuka said.

Jongwoon just sighs and smiles at Shizuka. “Alright, let’s change your diapers.” He lifts up Shizuka in the air and the baby chuckles with joy though tears are still visible in her eyes.

No matter how busy he is, and Jongwoon makes sure he has the time to tend to the twin’s needs. That’s all he could do for his brother. He wants to make the twins feel like they have a family, which is him.

Right after he cleaned Shizuka, Jongwoon prepares the twins to drop them off the daycare center. For him it’s a temporary option because he doesn’t want the twins to grow in a daycare center. He will do his best to look for a babysitter because he wants the twins to grow inside a home. Tough luck, all the babysitters he hired quits within a week. It seems like the twins doesn’t like strangers inside their house.

“Good morning Mr. Kim. Hello Yoshie, Hello Shizuka.” A daycare staff greeted them as they enter the facility.

“Hi, I’ll be leaving Yoshie and Shizuka in you care again today. Sorry for the hassle and thank you, I really appreciate it.” Jongwoon handling off the twins to a staff but Yoshie begins to cry.

“uuwwwaaaa...don’t want, don’t want. ‘teeey Yongie?” Yoshie cries as he looks at Jongwoon.

“Yoshie, I want to stay but Yongie needs to work. I’m sorry, I promise I’ll pick you up early” Jongwoon can’t help but frown. To be honest, he doesn’t want to leave the kids. If he has the choice, he’ll bring the babies with him, but his work is demanding.

“bye, Yongie.” Shizuka waves at him. It’s a good thing Shizuka is a bit mature compared to Yoshie.

Jongwoon left the daycare almost past 8am. He hurriedly went to his agency to pick up scripts from a variety show he’ll be appearing to. At 9am, he receives an update from the daycare, the twins are currently watching cartoons together with other kids. He smiles as he sees the attached picture of the twins, God knows how much he loves the twins like his own children. If only there’s someone he could trust, someone the kids could be comfortable with, it would have been perfect.

It’s finally Jongwoon’s day off and he is now interviewing the last candidate to be the twin’s babysitter. He introduced the twins to the lady but as soon as the lady said hello, the twins cried so bad and threw tantrums. Jongwoon can’t help but send the last candidate home.

“Lee Donghae? Male?” He got confused as he specifically said he would only hire a female babysitter.

His doorbell rang, thoughts running inside his head, running the lines of apology to this Lee Donghae because he doesn’t want to hire a “manny.”

“Good afternoon, I’m Lee Donghae. I’m here to apply for a job posting as babysitter. Nice to meet you.” Donghae smiled brightly. He made sure to brush his teeth thrice that day, thinking he could persuade Jongwoon with a nice set of teeth. He wants this job so bad; he needs to pay his mother’s debts next month, and he is very desperate to earn money. He is good with kids, he worked in an orphanage tending to every kid’s needs. To be honest, he really likes children so this job would be perfect for him, plus the pay is good.

“Hi, Lee Donghae? Look, I’m very sorry there must have been a mistake because I’m looking for a female to look after the twins.” He looks at Donghae intently. The boy looks very innocent and young, it says in the resume he is 22, but he could totally pass as 15 years old.

But before Lee Donghae could react, a small boy suddenly is hugging his right leg, trying to reach his white cat keychain dangling in his knapsack.

“Hello there, looks like you found Catalina.” Donghae removes the keychain from his bag and sit eye level with the boy, who is currently fixated with the keychain. “Because you are so cute, I’ll give her to you.” Donghae can’t help but fell in love with probably the cutest baby boy he had seen in his life.

“tat? Tat?” Yoshie looks at Donghae and climbs in his lap and laid his head to the man.

“Yes, that’s a cat. Her name is Catalina.” Donghae lovingly looks at Yoshie and forgot about Jongwoon. Jongwoon is so surprised because Yoshie doesn’t like strangers at all. The kid doesn’t even like seeing other people inside their house, yet this random guy made it pass through that obstacle course with just a freaking cheap keychain.

Donghae feels sad and frustrated since he knows he can’t have this job knowing Mr. Kim wants a female babysitter. Donghae lifts up Yoshie in his arms and smiles at the kid who still can’t remove its eyes on the keychain.

Jongwoon hold Donghae’s arm tightly. “Stay. I need you.”

“What?” Donghae exclaimed.

“Stay, for the twins please. I’ll double your salary. Just accept this job. I don’t even care anymore if you are a man or a woman or an alien. I can’t let you go now. You are the only person whom Yoshie is comfortable with. God knows how picky he is with people.” Jongwoon almost pleaded to Donghae as he is very desperate to hire Donghae.

Donghae didn’t hear the rest of what Jongwoon have said after ‘I’ll double your salary’. All his worries on money will disappear if he accepts Mr Kim’s offer. Plus, he gets to spend his time with a very cute kid he adores.

“Wait, you said twins? He has twin brother?” Donghae finally snapped from his mini win.

“Twin sister to be exact. He is Yoshie by the way, and his twin sister is Shizuka, come inside, I’ll introduce you to her.” Jongwoon leads Donghae inside his house and into his living room. Shizuka is currently playing with her dolls and runs towards Jongwoon right after she sees him.

“Yongie, fwend?” Shizuka asks.

“Ahh. Yes baby, Uncle Donghae wants to be your playmate. Is that okay?” Jongwoon looks at Shizuka hoping the girl understands this new situation he is trying to build up in their home.

“D…ong…hae? Hae?” Shizuka mutters while looking at Donghae, with eyes full of confusion, the little girl gives her doll to Donghae, and Donghae gladly accepts the doll.

“What a cute doll! What’s her name, Shizuka?” Donghae is still holding Yoshie in his arm as the boy seems to enjoy being held that way.

“Hae!” Shizuka shouted.

“Her name is Hae?” Donghae got confused and Jongwoon interrupts them and said, the doll doesn’t have a name yet since it’s fairly new so probably Shizuka answered Hae because she isn’t really familiar with different names yet.

“Okay, let’s call her Hae, it’s a great name!” Donghae smiled at Shizuka. Never in his life he imagines to be named after a barbie doll.

“Donghae,does it mean you are accepting my offer?” Jongwoon interrupts Donghae because he badly needs his answer right at that moment.

“Mr Kim, I think I have to, there’s no way I could resist these two cute babies in front of me. Plus, I think they really like me. Don’t they?” Donghae smiled at the man.

“Great! Thank you so much Donghae! I know this is too much to ask, but can you start tomorrow? I’m so tired of bringing the kids to the daycare center. They are great, but I want my nephew and niece to grow up inside a house, my house.”

“That’s not a problem, Mr Kim. I can start tomorrow at 7am! Sorry to be very snoopy, but they aren’t yours?” Donghae felt the need to know because he doesn’t want to feel stranger in his new workplace.

“Well yeah, they are my brother’s. He passed away early this year. Together with their Mom, car accident.” Jongwoon can feel a bitter taste in his tongue when he said that.

Donghae looked at the twins with pity and can’t help but hug them. “Poor kids, don’t worry, Hae is here to look after you. And also, Sir Yongie.” Donghae looked at Jongwoon who is just looking back at him still very amazed because the twins are very attached to him for a short period of time.

“I’ll give you my personal mobile number so you could call me anytime you have problems with the twins. Again Donghae, I’m so happy I found you. You are a life saver.”

“Also, you can call me Jongwoon-hyung or hyung. I want you to feel comfortable because you’ll be part of our home now” Jongwoon added.

“Okay Jongwoon-hyung. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Donghae extended his arm to shake hands with Jongwoon but to his surprise, the man hugged him and said “Donghae thank you.”

Donghae was left dumbfounded because he didn’t expect the man to hug him like that, plus he smells so nice and he can feel his chest muscles even though the man looks very thin. Not to mention, Jongwoon looks like a celebrity. He doesn’t know much about the entertainment industry, but his new boss could pass as an actor or model.

Anyway, he could care less about him, what’s important is now he no longer needs to worry about getting money to pay his mother’s debts, plus he gets to babysit two beautiful babies every single day.


	2. First Day

After probably an hour of endless reminders of what to do and what not to do, Jongwoon decided to leave the twins to Donghae.  
Donghae is standing on the doorway carrying the twins as they say goodbye to Jongwoon.  
“Yongie, ba-bye!” Yoshie waves at Jongwoon.  
“Yongie, Zuka... rab you.”  
“I love you too, Shizuka, and also you Yoshie.” Jongwoon pinches the cheeks of the two babies.  
“If there’s an emergency, call me. And please update me if you and the kids are doing okay.”  
“Sure Hyung. Don’t worry so much. I’ll see you later.”  
Jongwoon heads to his car and before he closes the door of his car, he waves at the three individual who are still watching him.  
“Now kids, who wants to dance???” Donghae excitedly ask the twins but it seems like the twins have no idea what dancing is.

Jongwoon just finished his 3-hour meeting for a potential series he might produce. It’s a crime-suspense-thriller series and he sure knows who to hire for the leading man. He dials his phone and search “H” on his contact list. He pressed call and waited for the other line to pick up but before he could say hello, a staff interrupted him causing him to drop the call without even saying hello to the man he is supposed to talk to.  
“Mr Kim. You are needed at meeting room number 3; the director wants to know your opinion on your next album. It’s very urgent.”  
Jongwoon hurriedly went to the said room and totally didn’t notice that his phone is ringing. 

Donghae can’t remember how many times he looped Baby Shark ever since the twins saw it from internet. Obviously, the twins are both loving it and already knows how to dance with that addicting, or maybe cursed song.  
Donghae reached his phone and video recorded the twin’s dance and sent it to Jongwoon.  
A doorbell interrupts their mini concert of Baby Shark. Donghae is about to go to the door when Yoshie stops him.  
“ehh, ehh, Hae.” Yoshie extends his small arms, gesturing for Hae to carry him.  
Donghae peeks at the door hole and he doesn’t recognize the man behind it. However, he looks decent to be a burglar or something, so he opens the door and greets the man.

“Hi, Can I help you?”  
“Jae!!!” Yoshie greets the man and stretches his arm to reach the stranger. Donghae caught off guard and the stranger is now carrying Yoshie.

“Yoshie! How are you buddy? Did you eat already?”  
“Eees, Jog..art”  
“Oh Yogurt? Nice.” Hyukjae now looks at Donghae with confusion and asks, “Who are you? I don’t know you.”  
“I’m Lee Donghae. I’m their babysitter.” Donghae is kind of pissed by the stranger’s way of questioning, but it seems like Yoshie knows him.  
“Oooh, the babysitter, I was expecting he’ll get a girl. Anyway, I’m Hyukjae, Jongwoon’s bestfriend, I just live few blocks from here.” Hyukjae extends his right hand to Donghae and Donghae accepted it.  
“Nice to meet you. Do you want to come in? Shizuka’s in the living room.” Hyukjae nods and went inside the house. So, it appears he is the bestfriend Jongwoon mentioned to him before he leaves for work. Now that he sees the man, he looks like a celebrity as well. Donghae concludes that money can really make you look beautiful.

Jongwoon finally escapes one hell day at his agency. He is now beat, head on the steering wheel and so ready to die any moment. He looks at his phone and noticed missed call from Hyukjae. He totally forgot to call his bestfriend back and mention how he wants him to star the series he might produce.  
“What’s this…” Jongwoon muttered as he opens the messaged box from Donghae.  
“Hi Hyung, hope you don’t mind me teaching the twins how to dance.” He plays the video and his heart melts right away when he sees the twins dancing unsynchronized and very cutely to the tune of an addicting upbeat children song.  
Next message from Donghae: “By the way Hyung, your bestfriend is here. Hyukjae?”

“Okay thanks, tell him to wait for me. I’m on my way home.” Jongwoon pressed send and immediately starts the engine of his car and hurried home. He needs to talk to his bestfriend and discuss an important matter.


	3. Lovers?

“Hyuk, come on. How can you say no to me?” Jongwoon starts to get stress on Hyukjae’s refusal to get the main role of the series he is planning to produce. If Hyukjae doesn’t really accept it, he might just back out from the production.

“I’ve read the script and storyline and to be completely honest, this is unique. You haven’t done anything like this. What’s stopping you from doing it?”

“Hyung, I’d do it if you are the director. And to be completely honest with you as well, the director you are eyeing? Meeeh.” Hyukjae took a spoonful of curry Donghae made earlier for dinner.

“Mmm! Hyung. This curry is delicious. Your babysitter is really something. He can cook plus he gets along with the twins which is very unusual. I remember how Yoshie used to bite me when I carry him.” Hyukjae exclaims as he continues to eat his bowl of curry.

Jongwoon looks at the pot of curry. He isn’t hungry but the smell of curry makes his appetite growl. He gets a bowl and tries the curry the babysitter cooked.

“This is good. I must thank him. He is a blessing to me. I guess all my good deeds are being paid off by finding a good babysitter for the twins” 

“Shut up. What good deeds? You once ditch me when I asked you to accompany me in the awards night. I will never forget that!” Jongwoon was about to retaliate but Hyukjae mentioned another episode of him being a jerk.

Jongwoon just laughs. For some reason, he’s subconsciously being mean to Hyukjae and it makes him guilty. He knows he has the to do something to make it up to his bestfriend.

“Alright, I’d direct the series. Will you say yes now?” Jongwoon stares at Hyukjae with seriousness.

“You will?”

“Yes of course, any request you want I’d do it. You are the star of this series.”

“Great! Then you must spend a day with me. Just the two of us. I miss hanging out with you.” Hyukjae looks at him determined to get a nodding yes.

Jongwoon felt pressured. It’s not that he doesn’t know Hyukjae’s feelings for him. He completely knows it, but he chose to ignore it. He doesn’t want to feel awkward or uncomfortable to his bestfriend. Maybe it’s the reason why he subconsciously ditches Hyukjae in the first place. Ever since the night Hyukjae got drunk and told him how he feels for him, he feels like he has the responsibility to not hurt his bestfriend. It’s a blessing, seems like Hyukjae can’t remember his confession to him, if he does, he doesn’t know what he’d say.

“Alright, anywhere. As long as it’s not far okay? I have the twins; I can’t go out of town.” Jongwoon surrenders and smiled sweetly to Hyukjae.

Hyukjae went near Jongwoon and excitedly hugged him like he won a lottery.

Donghae is skeptical to disturb Jongwoon and Hyukjae with their conversation but he really needs to go home or else he won’t catch the last train. He knocks three times and entered the dining room, but life isn’t going to prepare you with things you are about to see. He can clearly see Hyukjae’s gummy smile and when the man noticed him, he looked at him with grinning face and planted a kiss on Jongwoon’s shoulder. His eyes are like telling him, this man is mine and you can’t have him. Even an idiot could tell Hyukjae is inlove with Jongwoon. Jongwoon is the first one to let go. And looked at Donghae like nothing special is happening between him and Hyukjae.

“Uhm, sorry to interrupt but the twins are now sleeping and I really have to go. I might miss the last train.” Donghae can’t even look at Jongwoon. He isn’t prepared to see this kind of private thing. He doesn’t like meddling with other people’s life.

“Oh, I’m sorry Donghae, it’s getting late. Would you like me to give you a lift?”

“No, it’s okay, I’ve already disturbed so much of your time.” Donghae bowing down and can’t keep a straight face. He felt awkwardness because he isn’t supposed to see Jongwoon’s love affair.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then?” Jongwoon tries to see Donghae’s face by looking down at him. But it seems like the boy is a very shy one. He just let it go thinking he is not yet at ease with him.

Donghae only nods and hurriedly went outside the dining room. He picked up his bag and left Jongwoon’s house. His face is blushing red. He doesn’t know why but seeing Hyukjae and Jongwoon hug, made him froze. It isn’t his first time to see someone hug each other, most specially if they are both men. Something made Donghae fairly intrigued, that on his way home he searched his boss’s name in the internet trying to find anything about Kim Jongwoon.

He had lost count on how many articles, photos and videos he’d seen about Kim Jongwoon. He can’t believe his boss is a multi-talented artist. There’s a certain article that catches his eye, it is about Jongwoon and Hyukjae’s friendship. Donghae’s speculation is right, Lee Hyukjae is a celebrity as well. It appears the two are very close and based on the article there’s no hint of them being lovers. But he knows the truth, Jongwoon and Hyukjae aren’t just friends. Well based on what he has witnessed, it is more than that.


	4. Instant Crush

Jongwoon is pissed to the person who is ringing his doorbell. He went home late last night, and he is looking forward to his one day off for that week, not planning anything but sleep all day. He got up feeling heavy and disoriented, opened the door and all he sees is a blinding light and a smiling face.

“Good morning Hyung.”

“Donghae? Aish, get inside, the monsters are still sleeping I guess.”

It’s been a month since Donghae started working for Jongwoon as the twin’s babysitter. He’d gotten used to Jongwoon being grumpy in the morning so it’s no surprise he always gets to greet his boss with irritated face. To be fair, Jongwoon apologizes to him whenever he does it.

“I’m sorry Hyung, I didn’t know you are still sleeping.” Donghae remembers Jongwoon mentioned to him he will be staying late because he is recording a new album.

Jongwoon went to his bedroom again and closes his door. It’s his day off anyway and for him, there’s no other way to spend it but to sleep.

Donghae on the other hand, went to the twin’s bedroom and sees the two babies are still sleeping.

Yoshie is the first one to wake up. “Hae? Bab Shark?

“Sure Yoshie, but we have to eat first. Is that okay?” It appears that this day will be another Baby Shark marathon. Donghae could only sigh.

Jongwoon woke up feeling lighter and better than ever. It’s the first time he slept that long. It’s 12pm and he can feel he needs to eat something or else he would collapse. He also remembers his behavior towards Donghae this morning and he feels so guilty and embarrassed.

Jongwoon walks in the dining room and he hears someone singing. It’s Donghae singing one of his songs, and he wonders why.

“We should be fun tonight, we should be fun tonight. Wooo!” Donghae twirls while singing and holding two bowls of rice in his hands.

“Oh Hyung, you are awake! Come let’s eat. I made lunch.”

“Thanks. I’m starving to be honest. By the way, I’m so sorry earlier, I got pissed at you -- again, it’s just that I was very tired and hadn’t gotten enough sleep.”

“It’s okay Hyung, I understand. I’ll just get the kids so we can start eating.” Donghae went to the living room and left Jongwoon in the dining room. Jongwoon noticed Donghae’s phone vibrates on the side table. A message pops up and Jongwoon accidentally read it. “Your rent was due 2 weeks ago. Do you have any plans of paying me??”

Jongwoon frowns. Just how much is Donghae’s rent that he can’t pay it on time? He can’t help but think since what he is paying to Donghae is more than enough to make an individual survive for a month. He can’t help but worry and he got a plan in mind, if Donghae answers his questions.

“Uhm, Donghae, do you like working here?” They are currently in the living room. Donghae put the twins to bed for their afternoon nap. 

“Hyung, I love working here. The twins, I feel like they are my own. Sometimes it’s hard for me to go home because they cry a lot when I’m about to leave.” Donghae smilingly tells Jongwoon about his feelings. He doesn’t lie, there’s a time were Yoshie wouldn’t let him leave his side so he stayed until past midnight. 

“Then there wouldn’t be a problem if I ask you to move here? I mean, I can’t think of a single reason of why not. And just how many times have you stayed late because I can’t go home immediately? And I will be at peace if you are always with the kids. They are growing so fast, they needed guidance as much as possible.” 

Donghae stopped tidying up the twin’s toys and looked at Jongwoon. Sure it’s gonna be convenient for him if he stays at Jongwoon’s house, he doesn’t need to pay for rent, food and utilities. But there’s one thing that is bothering him a lot. He got to ask it first before he accepts the offer.

“Are you sure Hyung? I don’t mind to be honest, it will help me save a lot of money. But wouldn’t it be a problem to Hyukjae-ssi?”

“I’m sure it’s not going to be a problem with him. Why you ask?” 

“Ah.. So he isn’t a jealous type. I see.”

“Why would he be jealous? Does he wants to be the twin’s babysitter?” 

“Ah no, not that Hyung.” Donghae closes his eyes and said “...because he is your boyfriend so I don’t know if he’s okay if an outsider is going to live here...” He felt embarrassed just by saying that loudly to Jongwoon.

Donghae was so surprised by Jongwoon’s laugh.

“I’m sorry, I can’t breathe. Wait….” Jongwoon let’s out a huge laugh once more, trying to control it one more time but loses it the moment he sees Donghae.

“Ya Donghae, what made you think I’m in love with that brat?” Jongwoon finally asks him.

“But Hyung, I saw you last time hugging so sweetly. He even kissed your shoulder.” 

“He what?? When did he do that? Donghae, he isn’t my boyfriend, he is not my type.” Jongwoon can’t believe Hyukjae will pull something like that in front of Donghae. Yes, he loves him but he isn’t inlove with him. It’s totally different.

“Then, what is your type?” To be honest, Donghae doesn’t know where his question is going. He asks it out of curiosity.

“Hmm.. I don’t really think about it that much, but I just know it when I really like someone.” For some reason, when Jongwoon looked at Donghae, his heart beats frantically. Sure the babysitter looks good, with soft features and happy personality, he is very likeable, but he doesn’t see him as a potential boyfriend. He’s so confused by how much his heart is racing like it’s trying to catch up on something. Something that even him doesn’t know. 

“No type then? But I think you and Hyukjae-ssi looks good together.” Donghae continues to arrange the twin’s mess. He’s struggling to find the missing leg of Yoshie’s favorite toy. He looked around and saw the missing leg under the sofa where Jongwoon is sitting. Donghae crawls on the floor and tries to reach the leg but it’s a bit difficult to get since it’s almost on the farside of the floor. 

Jongwoon on the other hand is also struggling but in a different way. When Donghae crawled near him and tries to reach something under his seat, he cannot help but notice the man’s chest showing up. He doesn’t usually gets easily attracted with someone else’s body. He works in an industry with too many beautiful artists and celebrities he lost count of how many naked chest he has seen, but it’s the first time he became nervous just by looking at someone’s chest. And it wasn’t even fully exposed to begin with.

“Yeah, I have no type…” Jongwoon could only whisper his answer. But one thing is for sure. He is lying to Donghae and he knows his type now.


	5. Unsure

Donghae moved to Jongwoon’s house the following day. He paid his rental dues and apologized to his landlord for all the troubles. 

It’s another usual day at the Kim’s house, while Donghae prepares dinner he decided to play some music in the kitchen, for some reason he became a fan of Jongwoon’s music, especially his Japanese album.

“I reflect on Your Happiness

Your voice and your eyes

Only one My Happiness

You do not have to be happy all the time”

Donghae sing along while stirring the soup he is making. 

“I think you are enjoying my songs too much.”

Donghae looked at the kitchen door and surprised to see Jongwoon. He didn’t expect the man to come home early. 

“Ah Hyung, you are early today. You can wait at the dining room, our dinner is almost ready.” Donghae ignores Jongwoon’s remarks. He feel embarrassed the first time the man caught him singing and dancing to his song, and now he got caught again.

“It’s okay, I’ll just wait here. So, how’s your first day living here? Are you adjusting somehow?” Jongwoon took a chair and sit. He has a clear view of Donghae’s back. There’s something about Donghae that makes him feel relaxed and comfortable. 

“Don’t worry about me Hyung. I always feel at home in your house. The twins especially are the main factor why I feel like I’m no stranger here. For the first time I feel like I have a family” 

Donghae faces Jongwoon. It's probably the first time he will confess to someone about his struggles. And sharing it to Jongwoon feels right. “I really don’t have a certain family that I could call my own. My mother left me with pretty huge debt that I may have to pay for the rest of my life.” Donghae can see Jongwoon’s frown, eyes speak to him like wanting to know more about him.

“My father died when I was 9 yrs old. Eversince then, my mother started dating different men. I feel like I’m raising myself on my own back then. When I turned 18, my mother left me for her boyfriend. She stole my aunt’s money. Almost $200k. But since I’m her son, my aunt obliged me to pay my mother’s debt.” Donghae knows Jongwoon would understand his situation. For what it’s worth, telling it to Jongwoon kind of made him feel less insecure. 

“Uhm.. I’m sorry that you have to go through such struggles at a young age.” Jongwoon now understands Donghae’s problems. It’s probably the reason why Donghae easily accepts his offer of him living in his house. It made him feel sad, it just means Donghae really is staying only to earn money. 

“It’s okay Hyung, you don’t have to worry about me.. Uhm.. Jongwooon-hyung. Can I ask you something?” 

“Sure, anything”

“Since you know my financial problems, I was thinking of accepting a job at a bar nearby. It’s only a part time thing, night time job and I’m only needed there 3 times a week.”

“Uhm.. sure, as long as you finish your job here. I don’t see any problems if you took it.”

Jongwoon honestly doesn’t want Donghae to work elsewhere. To be honest, he can actually pay for Donghae’s debts easily but he won’t be doing that. He doesn’t want Donghae to self-pity because he wants to pay for his debts. 

  
It appears the twins doesn’t want to sleep early that night. They are still in the living room playing some random monster vs superheroes vs barbie dolls. The clock registers 9pm and a sudden doorbell caught everyone by surprise.

Donghae got up and checked who’s their visitor.

“Ah, Hyukjae-ssi. Good evening, come in. Jongwoon-hyung is in the living room with the twins.”

Hyukjae looked at his wrist watch. “It’s past 9pm. Why are you still here?”

“He lives here now.” Jongwoon suddenly spoke behind Donghae’s back. 

Hyukjae can’t help but feel bitter in this kind of set up. Yes, he knows there’s nothing going on between Jongwoon and Donghae. But he doesn’t like the idea of some random dude living with Jongwoon, even if he is just a babysitter. 

“Okay, fair enough. The twins, really needs all the affection they need.” Hyukjae stressed the word ‘twins’ and Donghae isn’t an idiot not to feel that Hyukjae is getting jealous about him staying at Jongwoon’s house. This is exactly what he wants to avoid, he truly knows about Hyukjae’s feelings towards Jongwoon and he doesn’t want to be the reason for Hyukjae’s jealousy.

“What made you come here this late?” Jongwoon and Hyukjae are on the veranda looking over Donghae and the twins playing some weird game where a barbie doll is saving the ‘world’.

“Nothing, I just wanted to visit.” Hyukjae looks at Jongwoon and he noticed how the man is fixated to Donghae. “Say, that Donghae guy.. he is kinda cute right?” Jongwoon struggles to look away from Donghae because of Hyukjae’s question.

“Maybe? I don’t know. Is he your type?” Jongwoon tries to play it cool but it appears his bestfriend already caught him staring at Donghae.

“Nope, that kind of guy can never make me happy. He gives this aura that you need to take care of him and shower him with love all the time. Too much work.” 

“Anyway, Hyung. About our spending a day together. Can we do it next weekend? I kinda book this place where we can play indoor sports. They even have arcades inside.” 

Ah yes, Jongwoon promised Hyukjae they’ll spend time alone. Maybe he needed it. With the amount of stress at work, his new album, a new series to direct and produce, and Donghae. Donghae who fills his mind lately. Donghae who’s very caring and cooks delicious meals. Donghae who’s chest looks unbelievably breathtaking. 

“Sure. I’m up for it.”

Hyukjae can’t help but hug his Hyung out of excitement. Finally, an alone time with Jongwoon. Maybe this time he’ll have the courage to confess his feelings properly. Unlike the last time, he confessed while he was so drunk and didn’t convey his feelings the right way that’s why Jongwoon didn’t take it seriously.

Donghae can clearly see the two men hugging. It’s not the first time he sees them hug but why does he always feel his heart is racing so fast everytime he sees them doing it? “He is not my boyfriend. Yeah right.” Donghae whispers silently.

“Hae?” Yoshie might have heard what he said. Donghae took the barbie doll and kick the monster Yoshie is currently holding. Yoshie started laughing and excitedly grab the barbie doll from Donghae. He doesn’t know why he feels irritated but he just wish this night to be over.


	6. Brightside

Hyukjae stares at Jongwoon, the man is obviously sleepy. He has lost count of Jongwoon’s yawns, but he finds it unusual since his Hyung doesn’t really like driving early in the morning and it made him happy that his Hyung is showing efforts just to make it up to him. Jongwoon even brought breakfast for the two of them to enjoy while they travel to the activity center they are going to.

“Hyung, would you like me to drive? You look really sleepy.”

“It’s okay Hyuk, I’ve had coffee. Maybe we can listen to music?” Jongwoon chose to play his own songs.

“Seriously? Your Japanese songs?” Hyukjae teasingly asks Jongwoon. Jongwoon usually listens to Western music when they drive. He remembers his Hyung telling him, he can’t listen to his own songs on his free time because his songs belong to the fans and not to him.

“Well, Donghae has been listening to it at home and I just wanted to know what makes him like my songs.”

“They are beautiful hyung, of course he’ll like it.” Hyukjae can feel that his hyung might have a slight crush to Donghae. For what he can see, Jongwoon’s mood lately is a bit cheery.. no, the right word is brighter. Yes, his hyung, the one he loves the most has a crush to the babysitter, and he can feel daggers piercing through his heart. There’s no way he will let someone steal his Hyung. He loves him first and he won’t give up easily.

They finally arrived at the activity center. The activity center has its own private rooms for each indoor game, and Hyukjae initiated for them to play billiards as their first game.

“Hyung, let’s play billiards? I know you can beat me in it, but I can feel that I’ll win today.” Hyukjae teasingly jokes at Jongwoon. He remembers the first time they played pool, Jongwoon is surprisingly good at it, telling him he used to play it when he was still a student.

“Oh yeah? Wanna place a bet?” Jongwoon suddenly feels like he wants to beat the shitout of Hyukjae. No way this brat could win in billiards.

“Deal. We’ll talk about the prize at stake after the match.” As if some force motivated Hyukjae to do his best to win this match. He wants to win, and he knows exactly he wants from Jongwoon.

At the start of the game, Hyukjae is the first one to break off. The cue ball hits the balls but none of the balls go down in the pockets. Hyukjae looks at Jongwoon who is secretly laughing because of his misfortune.

“Yah Hyukjae, you can take a sit and nap. I’ll make sure to finish this in one go.” Jongwoon is readying his cue stick, chalking its tip.

Hyukjae watches Jongwoon glides through the pool table, spotting each ball, trying to make sure he scores on every strike. One by one, Jongwoon almost emptied the billiard table. There’s only number 8 and 9 and Hyukjae is praying to the Gods of luck to make sure Jongwoon misses the strike.

As Jongwoon strikes the cue ball, it hits number 9 instead of 8, and Hyukjae can’t help but cheer from Jongwoon’s misfortune.

“YEEEEES! Ya Hyung, it’s your turn now to take a sit. Watch me defeat you.” Hyukjae is smiling like an idiot. As he scans the placement of each balls, he just knows where to strike it. He glanced at Jongwoon who currently looks so nervous, one hand covering his mouth, anticipating what will happen next. Hyukjae can’t help but melt inside. His hyung probably didn’t expect he could lose to a game he is good at. Plus, the fact that Jongwoon hates losing. But it’s no reason to show mercy to Jongwoon when he can easily get what he wants.

Hyukjae strikes the cue ball, it hits number 8. Both are holding their breath as the 8 ball hits 9 ball onto the corner pocket. Hyukjae won. Jumping nonstop shouting random winning cheers as Jongwoon drops his head, while his bestfriend celebrates his defeat.

“Alright, alright calm down. You win. Just stop moving.” Jongwoon is losing his temper not to smack his bestfriend. He finds it annoying when Hyukjae begins to circle him around dancing as if he is a tribute ready to be sacrifice to cannibals.

“Seriously Hyukjae, you are irritating. Just tell me how much.” Jongwoon took out his wallet from his back pocket and started to count his money.

“No Hyung, I don’t want your money.” Hyukjae stops jumping and looked at Jongwoon with a serious face.

Jongwoon stops counting his money and looked at Hyukjae. “Hyuk, I’m not eating some weird shit today. Look I don’t want to upset my stomach. You know how sensitive I am to food.” The last time he lost a bet to Hyukjae, the latter made him eat avocado milk shake with ketchup and mustard. He may have vomited his guts out that day.

“No, no. I’m not doing that because I don’t want to clean your mess, you vomiting is disgusting. But there’s something else I want you to do.” Jongwoon looks confused, what does Hyukjae wants from him. He can’t figure out his bestfriend sometimes.

“What is it? Hyuk, if this is some weird things, I’m not doing it.” Hyukjae just looks at Jongwoon. He started walking near him, so near that Jongwoon can hear him breathing heavy.

“Kiss me Hyung.”

Jongwoon just blinks. Is he dreaming? Did he hear Hyukjae properly? Of course, he knows his bestfriend’s feelings for him. He knows Hyukjae is just finding the right moment to confess. But a kiss? Can he give that to him?

“Hyukjae…”

“Hyung, I deserve it. I won right? Fair and square. This is my reward.” Hyukjae is just looking straight to Jongwoon’s eyes. Finding at least a piece of hint if his hyung wants it too.

Hyukjae closes his eyes. Waiting for Jongwoon’s answer. Blood rushing through his cheeks. His head is a mess, but his heart knows what it wants.

He can feel a familiar breath near his lips. It made him smile and waited for the lips he always dreams of kissing.


	7. Awkward

As Hyukjae closes his eyes, Jongwoon felt a warm touch in his heart. Why didn’t he realize how beautiful his bestfriend is? What stops him from falling inlove to Lee Hyukjae? He caresses Hyukjae’s cheeks, brushing off the redness from his cheekbones. He looks cute when he is blushing. For a second, he really wants to kiss him, give in to his bestfriend’s request.

Jongwoon closes his eyes, ahh there it is. The fucker who won’t leave his mind. “Hyung, let’s eat dinner… Hyung, look what the twins drew... Hyung, drive safely...” Donghae, Lee Donghae. Smiling at him, always. Never fails to make him feel like he is a baby. The babysitter may not have noticed it, but it feels like, Donghae also takes care of him as well not just the twins.

Jongwoon shrugs off his thoughts, and kisses Hyukjae on the lips. So many thoughts running inside his head. Why does it feel wrong? He feels like he is betraying someone. Who? Donghae? Why would he feel that? He doesn’t even know why he has this strong affection to Donghae.

Their lips parted. They just stared at each other like they were strangers. Hyukjae’s just looking at him, maybe waiting for him to say something.

“There. I did it.” Jongwoon wanted to make Hyukjae feel that he is just doing it because of their bet. He isn’t angry at Hyukjae, but it feels like what he did will only cause trouble.

Hyukjae is just silent. He’d like to think, his bestfriend didn’t expect him to do it. Jongwoon let go of Hyukjae’s face, trying to get away of the awkward situation, he starts to gather his things. But Hyukjae grabs his hand, stopping him from what he is doing.

“Hyung, I love you.”

Hyukjae confessed. The moment he didn't want to ever happen, is right here slapping him on the face. Suddenly, kissing Hyukjae felt so wrong. He should have known this. Giving Hyukjae the wrong idea is the least thing he wants to do but he did it anyway. He wants to punch himself for making things complicated.

“Hyukjae, I love you too. You know that. And I would do everything just to see you happy. But, I’m not… I’m not inlove with you.” It’s better this way, straight forward answer than give him false hope.

Hyukjae’s eyes starts to water. How can something so sweet turns out to be bitter in the end. When Jongwoon kissed him, he finally felt what happiness feels like. The way Jongwoon kissed him, it’s not just out of whim. It’s passionate and he can feel that Jongwoon likes it too.

If only Jongwoon could rewind 15 minutes of his life, he’d do it without any questions. Kissing Hyukjae is the biggest mistake he made. They decided to just go home after playing billiards, it was too awkward for them to continue anyway.

Inside the car, silence is deafening. Hyukjae is just looking outside the window with airpods on. They didn’t say a single word the entire trip, until they reached Hyukjae’s house.

“Thanks, Hyung for today..”

"Just to let you know, I'm not giving up. I know you only love me as a friend,but that doesn't stop me from making you fall for me."

Jongwoon was stunned by Hyukjae's words. He didn't had the chance to say a word as Hyukjae hurriedly went inside his house and shut the door. How could he deal with that? Didn't he just dump him?

When Jongwoon reached his house, the silence succumbs him. Not here too? He already suffered silence in the car. Where’s the twins? And Donghae?

When he passed by at Donghae’s room, it’s a bit open and he saw the twins are sleeping on Donghae’s bed and Donghae is sleeping while sitting on the floor, head and arms on his side bed.

Jongwoon can’t help but smile. He slowly come near where Donghae is sleeping. He can’t describe his feelings when he looks at Donghae. His heart feels warm and contented whenever he sees Donghae’s face. He removes the hair covering the babysitter’s eyes, and he can’t help but smile when Donghae’s eyebrow furrowed and murmurs something. He is just breathtaking.

Jongwoon keeps staring at Donghae. Thoughts of Hyukjae's confession running inside his mind. And maybe for the first time, he can admit that the reason why he couldn't love Hyukjae back, is because he already is falling for Donghae.

“Yongie?” Shizuka called him.

Donghae woke up when he hears Shizuka speaks something. When he opened his eyes, he was surprised to see Jongwoon looking at him.

“Ah Hyung, what time is it? I fell asleep I’m sorry.” Donghae is still disoriented. He looks at the clock and it's passed 2pm. He expects Jongwoon to arrive in the evening, he wonders what happened.

“Well, I asked Hyukjae if we can go home because to be honest, I’m still tired from work.” Jongwoon lied to Donghae, there’s no way he’d tell him that Hyukjae confessed and he rejected him and that makes everything awkward.

“Ah, I see. By the way Hyung, today is my first day working at the bar. Just reminding you about it. I’ll leave at 8pm”

Jongwoon nods. “What time will you go home then?”

“I’ll be here by 1am.”

“That’s pretty late. If you want, I can fetch you up, I worry about your safety.” At this point, Jongwoon wants to stop Donghae from working at the bar. But he just doesn’t have the reason to do that.

“It’s okay Hyung, don’t worry so much about me. I’m a grown man, I can handle things.”

Friday nights at Devil Bar are usually packed with big crowds. Donghae feels so nervous. It’s his first time to perform with a large crowd.

“Donghae, you are up.” The manager calls him and asks him to go up stage.

Donghae nods and picked up his guitar. “Good evening everyone, I’m Lee Donghae. I hope everyone’s having a great night. I’m here to serenade everyone with my self-composed songs. I hope you’ll like it. My first song is ‘If You’.”

“Where did we go wrong?

Days with you are now the past

Losing my way, the cold winter breeze piercing my heart…”

Soft, beautiful voice. Ahh, Siwon can’t help but be drawn but this Lee Donghae. He is very charismatic while strumming guitar and singing mellow songs. There’s no way he’d let a talent like this go to waste.


	8. Tease

Clock strikes 2am. Jongwoon can’t remember how many times he changed his sleeping position. He gave up and just went downstairs to get something to drink. Clearly, he is worried-sick about the whereabouts of Donghae. He tried calling him, but it goes straight to voicemail. 

Just when did he start liking Donghae anyway? He tries to remember that time he was so tired from work, he fell asleep in the living room. He woke up with a blanket on, and a smiling face of Donghae, handing him a glass of fresh orange juice. 

“Good morning hyung. Are you feeling much better now?” 

“Ah. Donghae, thanks. I didn’t know I fell asleep here.” He took the orange juice and drink a little. Donghae sat beside him, took his arm and starts massaging it, as if it’s the most natural thing to do. He usually doesn’t like people touching him without consent but for some reason, with Donghae it feels so comfortable. 

“Hyung, what does it feel like to be famous?” Donghae suddenly asks him a very usual questions he gets from time to time.

“It’s tough to be honest. No privacy. No time to focus on my private life. That’s why I’m trying to get away from the limelight. You noticed my last project was from 2 years ago.” 

“I thought so. Aside from Hyukjae-ssi and the twins, I don’t know anyone else from your life.” Donghae continues massaging Jongwoon, now he is focusing on his shoulders. 

“You sound like a reporter, are you trying to fish out something on me and tell it on news agencies?” Jongwoon jokingly asks him. He usually dodges this kind of questions but telling it to someone as pure and as innocent as Donghae makes it feel alright.

“Of course not, Hyung...” Donghae moved his massage to Jongwoon’s temple.

“I’m just teasing you. I know you are not that kind of person...” Jongwoon moans, Donghae is hitting all the right spots that needed massages. 

“You are really good at massages; how much do I owe you from this service?” Jongwoon laughs. He doesn’t know why it feels like they are a couple who just recently started dating. But Donghae’s massages are heaven sent.

“Today it’s free of charge. But next time, I have to ask for an exchange.” Donghae chuckles. He doesn’t exactly know what went inside his mind that he had the courage to massage Jongwoon. He just had this urge to reach out to Jongwoon for whatever reason it could be. There’s this invisible magnetic charisma that attracts him to Jongwoon. It probably is because he is a celebrity, maybe he is becoming a fan? He still can’t figure it out.

Donghae finished his massage. He noticed Jongwoon is also done with his orange juice, so he decided to clean up the table. As he was wiping the table, the tissue paper he is using dropped on floor that he had to bend and get it. 

Ahh, there it is. That damn chest again. Jongwoon can’t help but swallow and stare at Donghae. This time, he had a glimpse of Donghae’s nipples. Suddenly he can feel the blood rushing through his cheeks. Donghae notices him looking flustered. 

“What’s wrong hyung? Are you sick? Your face is so red.” Donghae comes near him and touches his temple. Why on earth does Donghae always wears loose shirts? Now, he has a much closer view of Donghae’s chest. He can’t help but gasps from what he is seeing. Donghae looked at him with a worried face. If he had a choice, he wants to pin down Donghae, kiss him on the lips and tell him he is so beautiful. 

Jongwoon controlled his emotions, telling Donghae he just needed more rest. 

When Jongwoon thinks about it now, maybe he should have kissed Donghae that time. At least he would know if the babysitter would like him or not. 

“Jongwoon-hyung? Why are you still awake?” 

“Ah Donghae, finally you are here. Where were you? I was trying to call you earlier, but I couldn’t reach you on your phone.” Jongwoon finally feel at ease seeing Donghae. He didn’t realize how he misses the younger man knowing he is away from him for just a couple of hours. 

“Sorry Jongwoon-hyung, the manager asks me to extend a little bit. Err, perhaps are you waiting for me?” Donghae is a bit surprise to find Jongwoon awake. The fact that Jongwoon is trying to contact him to know if he is okay makes him really happy. It means, Jongwoon truly cares for him.

“I see, but next time, if you are going to be late to come home. Please let me know, okay? I just want to know if you are safe.” Donghae can’t help but pout because it feels like Jongwoon is scolding him. And making Jongwoon upset is not something he would like to do.

“I’m sorry hyung. It won’t happen again.” Donghae looks at Jongwoon. Since it’s dark in the area where Jongwoon is sitting, he didn’t notice that the man is not wearing a top, he is only wearing a bottom pajama. He gulps and held his breath when Jongwoon stood up. There is no denying that Jongwoon is attractive, well no, to be honest, it’s quite hard to describe how good looking Jongwoon is. There are no words to describe this man, his whole existence shouts Godly. 

Donghae knows he is in trouble, his pants begin to tighten, feeling of a sudden erection. Jongwoon is walking towards him. For some reason, his knees feel weak, his breathing begins to get heavier. What happened next is what Donghae didn’t expect to happen. Jongwoon corners him on the wall, face so close to him, he can smell Jongwoon’s cologne. He smells so sexy. Donghae slightly opens his mouth, he wants to say something, but his throat runs dry just by looking straight to Jongwoon’s eyes. Jongwoon is staring at his lips. Does he want to kiss him? Donghae closes his eyes, silently allowing Jongwoon to claim his lips.

On the other hand, Jongwoon can’t help but smile. He is so damn sure that Donghae is affected by his presence. He can’t help but notice the bulge on Donghae’s pants. The truth is, he really wants to kiss Donghae, make love to him right there. But he needs to wait. Wait for the younger boy to assert his feelings first. He doesn’t want to confuse the man, for as far as he knows, Donghae has never been in a relationship and if he ever wants to be his boyfriend, Jongwoon wants Donghae to be very sure about it.

“Donghae. Hmm...” Donghae hears Jongwoon calling him, but he remains his eyes close. He can feel Jongwoon’s breath fanning over his lips. Jongwoon speaks again. 

“If it’s not too much to ask, but can you bring this cup to the kitchen?” 

“What?” Donghae opens his eyes and see Jongwoon grinning at him. Jongwoon already made a distance from him.

“I’m heading upstairs so can you bring this cup I used to the kitchen?” Jongwoon repeats his request. Donghae knows his face is red and there’s no way Jongwoon didn’t notice it. He feels embarrassed. 

Donghae took the cup from Jongwoon’s hand and hurriedly went to the kitchen.

“What the fuck was that...” Donghae can’t help but panics from what just happened. Now it’s clear to him, he is affected by Jongwoon. He looks at his pants and his bulge won’t subside. He never thinks about having a lovelife to be honest, he never had a girlfriend or a boyfriend because there's no one really attracts him. But at this stage, it’s the first time he had ever been attracted to anyone. But of all people, why Jongwoon?


	9. Fallen

“Who is this?”

“Papa!” Yoshie shouts. Donghae and the twins are looking through a photo album of Jongjin and Yua. He found the photo album while he was cleaning the twin’s room. The album is Yua’s gift to Jongjin on their 1st anniversary, and while Donghae doesn’t personally know the parents of the twins, he couldn’t help but shed tears. And it’s best to show it to them so they won’t forget that they had a loving parents.

“Mama?” Shizuka points at Yua’s picture. Donghae smiles and nods. He is just glad the twins can recognize their parents quickly. Donghae knows, it’s the least he can do to Jongjin and Yua, and they may have been smiling somewhere, knowing their children are in a good place.

“Hae, where is Papa and Mama?” Shizuka asks.

“Papa and Mama are above the clouds. They are watching us, making sure we are safe.”

“Maybe, they are shy. They are hiding in the clouds.” Shizuka adds. The twins look at the clouds outside the window. Thinking their parents are there watching them from afar. Donghae can’t help but hug the twins. It’s tough growing up without parents, and at such young age. 

It was a slow afternoon for Donghae and the twins. They are watching a certain superhero cartoon on television; it’s Yoshie’s favorite. He watches the little boy copying the fighting stance of the superhero. Shizuka on the other hand gives him a cup of tea, they are playing tea house party.

While Donghae is sipping the imaginary tea on the cup Shizuka gave him. Shizuka stood up and put a pink ribbon in his hair, he just lets her do it. He doesn’t mind looking like an idiot as long as the twins are happy.

“Wow! Pretty!” Shizuka hugs him. He didn’t notice that Jongwoon is already behind him watching them.

“Pretty indeed.” Jongwoon is looking at his pink ribbon. Donghae can’t help but blush by Jongwoon’s remark. Everything’s awkward after what happened to them that night. He can’t even greet Jongwoon a proper “good morning”, or the usual “drive safely”.

“Erm, Jongwoon-hyung, I thought you’ll be home late. I haven’t cooked anything.”

“It’s okay, I’m not hungry. So, can I join the tea party?”

Before Donghae could answer Jongwoon, a ring on the doorbell interrupts them from their conversation.

“I’ll get that.” Jongwoon leaves them and Donghae could only let go his breath he’s been holding for quite a while now. Being attracted to Jongwoon makes his living arrangement harder. He thinks, maybe it’s better to look for an apartment again, even if he must shell out money at least he won’t have to deal with Jongwoon’s presence all the time.

“Hi hyung!”

“Hyukjae? What brings you here?”

After the incident with Hyukjae at the activity center, Jongwoon didn’t hear anything from the lad. He is not trying to ignore Hyukjae, but he just doesn’t know what to say to him after his confession.

“Well, it’s about time I make a move to win you over, right?” Hyukjae smirkingly said. When he confessed to Jongwoon, he got scared at first. He knows everything will change, and the fact that the man didn’t even contact him after his confession gives him so much anxiety. But he found courage, courage to embrace his feelings and show Jongwoon what he can do to win his love.

Jongwoon can’t help but show a serious face, Hyukjae may only be joking but it’s impossible for him to not take precautionary action, he doesn’t want Hyukjae to think that it’s okay for him to express his love freely.

“Ahahahahahaha hyung, you should’ve seen your face. It’s so funny! I’m just kidding, okay?”

Jongwoon lets Hyukjae inside. It’s not that he doesn’t want Hyukjae to be around but knowing his feelings towards him just makes it so strange.

Donghae is arranging fruits in a platter for Jongwoon and Hyukjae’s snack. He can’t help but be annoyed by Hyukjae when he made a remark about his pink ribbon. “I didn’t know you are into ribbons”, Donghae repeats it with a mocking face, “Well, at least Jongwoon-hyung said I’m pretty with it.”

“What did Jongwoon-hyung say?” Donghae looked behind him and saw Hyukjae at the kitchen door.

Eyebrow raising, heart is pounding but he is very sure of what he has heard. He looks at Donghae from head to foot. Just who does he think he is? Trying to get all Jongwoon’s attention away from him?

“Hyukjae-ssi, when did you...” Donghae was cut off when he sees Hyukjae’s furious eyes. He remembers when Jongwoon told him that he isn’t inlove with Hyukjae, and he wonders if Hyukjae has a clue about it.

“Hey, babysitter. I know your motives, and I’m telling you now, you won’t succeed. Jongwoon likes sophisticated, intellectual and classy people. He won’t date someone like you. So, forget this..., stupid crush you have with him because it won’t work.” He knows it’s wrong to say those things to Donghae, but he already planned in winning Jongwoon in whatever ways it could be. Just thinking about Donghae and Jongwoon together makes his blood boil.

“Look Hyukjae-ssi, I’m not trying to take him away from you. I’m not interested in him you don’t have to worry about me. I have so many problems and wanting Jongwoon as my boyfriend will only give me more problems.”

Donghae isn't lying. Well, a part of it is a lie because he is madly attracted to Jongwoon. But If Jongwoon becomes his boyfriend, his peaceful life will become chaotic. Jongwoon is a celebrity, a famous one to be exact. His fans will not like it if they found out that Jongwoon has a boyfriend, and to think he is the twin’s babysitter.

“Well that sucks…” Jongwoon could only whisper. When Hyukjae went into where Donghae is, he had a hunch that Hyukjae will talk to Donghae alone. And yes, he is right.

He would have stopped Hyukjae from saying mean things to Donghae but he wants to know Donghae’s answer. Knowing it now, Jongwoon is hurt. He thought things with him and Donghae will grow into something special. Or so he knew. 


	10. Why?

Fixing chords in his guitar, strumming while humming the song he recently composed, Donghae is just thankful he has a gig that night. Even for a short while, he’d wish he could forget what happened that day. What Hyukjae told him is true. A man like Jongwoon won’t fall in love with a guy like him. Just how silly he can be, thinking that maybe, just maybe, Jongwoon likes him too.

Donghae shook his head, trying to forget his feelings for Jongwoon. Determined to get over it, he drank one shot of Vodka but immediately regretted it after. His mind is spinning, and couldn't remember what exactly he utters on mic before he sings.

“Hey, Donghae-ssi. Are you okay?” Almost tripping from the stage, the bar manager immediately held his arm, guiding him as he descended the stairs.

“Ohh, Manager-nim. HAHAHAHA you are so handsome tonight.” Donghae tries to kiss the manager, but the latter is quick to dodge Donghae’s silly act. He knows Donghae is drunk. What bugs him is how can a person be drunk with just one shot of Vodka?

“Donghae, I won’t allow you to go back on stage. Sit here. Until you are sober enough to get home, you are staying here.”

The manager has a bit of a clue on what Donghae’s going through. When the singer dedicated the first song to a certain “Yongie-hyung”, followed by a sorrowful song, it’s clear to him that Donghae is in love with this person and things aren’t favoring on Donghae’s side.

Donghae sits there, shaking the bottle of the energy drink his manager gave him. The effect of the alcohol is slowly fading away. And he wishes his feelings too could disappear like that.

“Would you mind if I join you?” A tall stranger suddenly interrupts his deep thoughts. Donghae didn’t answer the man, but the stranger still pulled the chair in front of him, placing a bottle of beer on the table. Donghae glances at the stranger. He looks expensive, wearing a black suit, a gold wristwatch and a wonderful physique. He could tell, this person is rich.

“I’m Choi Siwon.” Donghae just looks at Siwon’s hand. He accepted it and introduced himself.

“Uhm, Lee Donghae… I’m sorry but do I know you from somewhere?”

“No. Although I’ve been your fan since you started performing here.”

“You are?” Donghae’s eyes widen. Siwon is his first fan, if the man is even telling the truth.

“Yes! I love your songs. Carefully written, although the lyrics are sad, but it just hits you, while the melody is upbeat, makes it unique. And I like it, a lot...” Donghae knows his songs are sorrowful but he doesn’t really expect someone to pay attention to them. His songs are purely from his life experiences, the reason why most of them are painful.

“If you don’t mind me asking, you dedicated a song to someone earlier. Is that your boyfriend?”

Donghae would like to curse at that moment. So, it’s probably the reason why the manager lets him sit through the night. Aside from him being drunk, he may have said unnecessary things on stage.

“I… honestly can’t remember what I said.” Donghae confessed. And he has no plan of finding it out, he might die from embarrassment.

Siwon emptied the beer he’s been drinking. Meeting Donghae in that kind of situation is not how he plans it but seeing Donghae’s sad face after the man sings his heart out, he couldn’t help but approach the singer.

Donghae looked at his wristwatch, it’s passed 1am. He panics as he remembered he promised Jongwoon that he will message him if he’ll be late to come home.

“Siwon-ssi, I hate to cut our conversation, but I really need to go.” Donghae stood up and bowed to Siwon.

“Already? Wait, here’s my card. If you feel like talking to someone, you can contact me.” Donghae took the card and placed it in his pocket. Hurrying too much, Donghae forgot his guitar. Siwon grabs the guitar and tries to catch up to Donghae but the man has already disappeared. Siwon can’t help but smile. “Lee Donghae, we will meet again.”

Jongwoon took his phone and searched for Donghae’s name on the phone register. He knows that things are a little awkward between them, but he can’t help not to worry about Donghae's whereabouts.

Inside the cab, Donghae composes a message to tell Jongwoon that he is on his way home. But before he could press send, an incoming call prompt on the screen.

“Hello, Jongwoon-hyung?”

“Donghae, where are you?”

“I’m on my way home. Sorry, I should have informed you that I’ll be late.”

“It’s fine. I’m just glad that you are safe…” Jongwoon released a deep sigh..

“Donghae?”

“Yes hyung?”

“Can we talk later? I have something to tell you.”

“Okay hyung.”

“I’m just here in the living room. I’ll wait for you.”

“Yes, hyung.”

Jongwoon has been feeling restless since Donghae left for his part time job. He really wants to talk to him. Just them. No one else. When Jongwoon sees Donghae alight the cab, he composed himself and waited for Donghae to enter the house.

Donghae opens the front door. He sees Jongwoon walking towards him, it’s weird because he said he’s waiting for him in the living room. Just what does this man wants that he cannot wait till he stepped inside the house. 

“Oh hyung, I’m here. Sorry I—“

Jongwoon grabbed his arms, pinned him on the back door and passionately kissed him.

Donghae’s eyes slowly close as he feels Jongwoon’s kiss getting deeper.


	11. Confession

Jongwoon cups Donghae’s face, forehead to forehead, they breathe in sync. Looking at each other’s lips, Jongwoon broke the silence.

“You taste like alcohol.” Jongwoon presses his lips again to Donghae’s, claiming it like he owns it.

“Hyung… why are you kissing me?” Donghae had to ask. He is not protesting on what’s happening nor he wants Jongwoon to stop what he is doing, but it’s the first time he was kissed by someone, and it feels like heaven.

Jongwoon held his hands. Donghae wants to speak, but when he notices how Jongwoon is stroking his backhand, he knows the man is summoning up courage.

Donghae met Jongwoon’s eyes. The usual eyes that make his knees weak, but that time he finds those eyes helpless and sincere.

“Donghae… I’m… I’m in love with you.” 

His tears fell. Words he didn’t expect to hear. Words that he only dreamed of being uttered by the first man he had ever loved. At this point, he knows those are tears of relief. Caging all of his thoughts about Jongwoon has feelings for him, but then Jongwoon just proves how wrong he was.

“Donghae, I’m going crazy just thinking about you. And I can no longer hide it. Especially when you think that I don’t want you. I want you Donghae, I want you so much.” Jongwoon wipes away his tears. Took his hands again and planted soft kisses. 

“Hyung, why did you think that I don’t want you?” 

“I heard you. You and Hyukjae. I heard everything.” 

Donghae remembers his words, and he feels so stupid because he lied, cowardly dismissing all of his feelings just to get away with Hyukjae’s mocking. 

“What Hyukjae said is not true. And I’m not going to force you to like me too, but just give me a chance to prove to you how much I love you.” 

Donghae feels like his head is spinning, stomach churning, he runs towards the bathroom and vomits. Donghae curses that one shot of Vodka and promises to never drink again. He wants to apologize to Jongwoon, but his stomach won’t just cooperate.

Jongwoon is caressing his back while he hurls his guts out. When he lifted up his head, Jongwoon gave him a towel to wipe his mouth. 

“Hyung, I’m sorry. I swear I only had one shot of alcohol. I didn’t know I couldn’t handle it.” Donghae wants to disappear, embarrassed and disappointed at himself.

“Hyung… Your feelings about me… I—“

“Donghae, let’s talk about it when you have slept. You are still drunk. Right now, I want you to take a rest.” Jongwoon kisses his forehead and left.

Donghae wants to stop Jongwoon from leaving but maybe Jongwoon has a point. At his state right now, he may not convey his feelings right. When the sun rises, he’ll make sure to tell Jongwoon about his feelings. 


	12. Buzz

Donghae woke up too early, contemplating if he should knock on Jongwoon’s room and tell him about his feelings. Touching his lips, remembering how Jongwoon claimed it. Maybe Jongwoon overdid it, maybe if there’s a chance someone else would kiss him, he wouldn’t feel what Jongwoon had let him feel. Donghae stood up, looked at himself in the mirror and fixed his hair. He is just getting anxious when he stays in his room and does nothing.

No plans in mind, he decided to knock on Jongwoon’s door, maybe he should have thought of this through. His heart was pounding when the knob moved.

Jongwoon opens the door. Wearing white sleeveless undershirt and a pajama bottom, Jongwoon smiles at him, eyes longing for something he could only answer.

“Hyung, did I wake you up?” Donghae asked.

Jongwoon shook his head, the smile remains in his face as if he is teasing Donghae to tell him good news. Donghae looked down, embarrassed by Jongwoon’s stare. Confessing your feelings is harder than what he thought.

Jongwoon lifted his chin, “Don’t look down. I want to see you saying it.” Donghae blushes. Is he really that obvious about his feelings? Jongwoon looks positively confident about it.

Donghae clasped his hands together, building up all the courage he could get and looked at Jongwoon.

“Jongwoon-hyung, I’m in love with you too.” Jongwoon’s smile got bigger. He pulls Donghae closer to him and slowly closes the gap of their lips. “Donghae, you don’t know how happy I am right now.” But before Jongwoon could kiss Donghae, they heard the doorbell buzzing. They both look in the same direction and look at each other again. Donghae can see Jongwoon’s furrowed brows, he finds it cute when Jongwoon slightly loses his temper. Donghae can’t help but chuckle.

“Why are you laughing? It’s not funny.” Jongwoon was about to continue their disturbed kiss when the doorbell buzzes again.

“Ugh, wait here, I’m just going to kill the person disturbing us.” Jongwoon pecks Donghae’s lips and let go of his waist.

Jongwoon opens the door only to find an unfamiliar man. Looks tall, good built and with great fashion sense.

“Kim Jongwoon? The Kim Jongwoon? Wow, what are the odds?” Deep thoughts running through Siwon’s mind. Does Donghae live with Jongwoon? Just what is the relationship between these two? He is determined to find out about it.

Jongwoon is confused about what's happening but he needs to know why this man has Donghae’s guitar.

“Yeah. I’m sorry, why do you have Donghae’s guitar? Who are you?” Jongwoon asks.

“Uhm. By the way, I’m Choi Siwon and I’m sorry if I disturbed your sleep. I just don’t have enough free time today to drop this off.. I didn’t know Donghae lives with you.”

“Yeah, he lives here. He is still sleeping so I can give that to him when he wakes up.” Jongwoon lied. Donghae just confessed to him and he isn’t going to let anyone else steal their moment. Not now.

Siwon just nodded and gave the guitar to Jongwoon. He missed the chance to see Donghae again, and he also missed the chance of knowing why is Donghae living with a celebrity as famous as Kim Jongwoon? And why does he feel like Jongwoon is irritated by his presence? From what he heard from his colleagues, Jongwoon is one of the most approachable artists they have worked with. Seems like the rumors aren’t true.

“Uhh, hyung, my guitar! Where did you find it? I thought I left it at the bar last night, I was so drunk!” Donghae hugs his guitar and kisses it. His guitar is probably the most precious thing he had ever purchased in his life.

“A guy brought it here, I think his name is Siwon? Who is he?”

“Oh! Siwon-ssi! He is my fan! I must thank him! I’ll be back.” Donghae turned around walking away while he strums his guitar. Jongwoon followed him and stopped him by grabbing Donghae’s shoulder.

“Hey, I’m not yet done with you. Are you just gonna leave me so you can talk to that Siwon guy?”

”Of course not hyung! I just thought I should thank him for bringing back my guitar.” Donghae pouts.

”You can thank him later. For sure he isn’t in a hurry to hear something from you.”

Jongwoon grabs the guitar from Donghae and places it in a nearby chair. He cups Donghae’s face, smilingly examining every corner. “God, you are so beautiful.” Jongwoon kisses Donghae’s forehead, then his nose. Jongwoon breathes out against Donghae’s lips. “Kiss me hyung.” Jongwoon smirks. There’s something about Donghae’s bold innocent looks that he craves so much. And yes, it drives him crazy that a simple plea of Donghae makes him forget every worry he has in his mind. 

Another buzz from the doorbell interrupts their kiss. And Jongwoon could only grunt out of frustration. “I’m gonna fucking destroy that doorbell I swear to God.” Donghae could only smile, he must admit he is frustrated too. The twins could be up any moment now and his time with Jongwoon alone would be limited.

Jongwoon opens the door only to find unexpected visitors.


	13. Get used to it

Donghae went downstairs to check on Jongwoon and his unexpected visitors; his parents. Jongwoon’s parents are warm and accepting. When he was introduced as the twin’s babysitter, Jongwoon’s mother hugged him and thanked him for taking good care of the twins. Jongwoon’s father is a bit serious but shook his hands and thanked him as well.

Donghae is just standing behind a wall. Part of him wants to stopped listening but when he heard his name, he continue to listen. 

“I know, Donghae has been a great help for you but that's not enough." He heard, Jongwoon's father speak. 

“So, when do you plan on taking them?” Jongwoon asked.

“We’ll give you time to adjust. Jongwoon, this is for the best and we know how busy you are with your work. You can’t take all the responsibility. When was the last time you had time for yourself?” Jongwoon’s mom shook her head and continued to talk. Your father and I have decided, we are taking the twins.” 

Donghae stopped listening after what he had heard. He went back to his room and as soon as he closed the door, he burst into tears. He knows his time with the twins isn’t forever, he knows that. Yet he couldn’t prepare himself for it. The twins and Jongwoon are the closest thing he could call his family. They showed him what it feels like to be loved, that he is needed and wanted. And yet, part of his ‘family’ is leaving him again.

A few knocks on his door and a familiar voice calls him. He opened the door with tears still in his eyes.

“Hae…” Jongwoon embraces him, he buries his face on Jongwoon’s chest and cried.

“Hush now Donghae… We’ll visit them often, okay? I’m sad too but I know the twins will have the right guidance with my Mom and Dad.” Jongwoon pats Donghae’s back and planted soft kisses on his head. He knows how attached Donghae is with the twins, and he’ll do everything to make Donghae feel less lonely.

After Jongwoon’s parents left and Jongwoon had told him he’ll be gone for the rest of the day and asked him not to wait for him. It’s going to be a busy week for Jongwoon and Donghae could only just accept that.

“Look! I drew you Hae.” Yoshie shows a drawing of him wearing an apron with plates in his hands, with lots of hearts decoration. “Wow! Yoshie, this is beautiful! Can Hae keep it?” Yoshie nods and jumps at him to give him a hug. Donghae can’t help but shed tears and Shizuka noticed him. “Hae, crying?” He got caught off guard and can’t speak, afraid that his voice might crack. Shizuka felt like she needed to do something and hugged him as well.

“Hae loves you both.” Donghae whispers. For a little while, he tries to forget the loneliness he feels thinking about their separation. Moments like these are the moments Donghae wants to remember when he thinks about the twins.


End file.
